When we ask how it is to live with your mother-in-law running the house we get a head nod and a range of answers from “it is the way we do things” to “she is like my mother”. Hmmmm … I couldn’t live with my mother-in-law running the house!
Not until we met Anya did we begin to understand why people seem to keep their real emotions inside. Anya does not live with her Mother-in-law, in fact she was quick to tell us how much she disliked her. Her husband, a sea merchant, is rarely home. She is the first person who expressed anger or dissatisfaction without hesitation. She can. She lives in a large double flat apartment with her two teenage daughters. Her husband comes home every six months for 4 months at time. She has space but more importantly, she has no one within ear distance to judge her. She is free.
She told us that when families fight it is not usually loud and boisterous. Because of the proximity of others, fights tend to be silent. “People judge you very quickly so you need to give them nothing to judge. You need to stay quiet”. She went on to say that “close conditions means most people have to repress what they feel or want. It is not healthy.”
A few minutes later I asked her when her first kiss was with her husband. She giggled, waved her hand and said “that is too private, my daughter (who was working at the computer near by) would judge me.”
Opportunity: Give them the space they need to express their true emotions.
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