Hand Feed

Mumbai.

Not only do Mothers like to cook for their children but they have absolutely no problem hand feeding them until they are mature enough to eat everything on their plate.



Devangi hand fed her 7 year old son while she chatted to us. In the restaurant tonight we met a nuclear family of Mom, Dad and daughter Anya. The only reason why they go out to restaurants is because “Anya is a picky eater and she will eat when we are out. We order for her but not for us as our stomach is sensitive to this food. She will eat it if we give it to her but we can not. We will eat when we get home.” Mom told us.

The bottom line is … Indian kids rely on mom for everything. Having a bath. Getting dressed. Eating their meal.

Opportunity: Excite Kids To Do It Themselves

Neighbourly Love

There is a difference between extended family and joint family. Joint family occurs when you marry and two families are brought together. The extended family however could include your colleagues whom you share intimate details with, or even your neighbors whom are free to borrow from your kitchen at any time.



“If a neighbor comes to my home” … Dimple tells us … “and asks for potatoes you don’t give them two potatoes. You pull out the entire bag of potatoes and tell them to take what they need. If you make a curry, you offer them half. To pay someone back would be an insult. You simply give them what they want. They can even come into the kitchen and ask what you are cooking and ask for some. It is not offensive. It is what neighbours do.”



Opportunity: Leave Your Door Open.

310 Days for Me!

Mumbai.

The women of India don’t get pampered very often. Work, family, education, responsibilities follow them wherever they go. Unless they are pregnant or with a newborn! During their 9 months of pregnancy and the 40 days that follow they can request what they want when they want it.




Before their first delivery most girls go back to their mother’s home to be taken care of. Cooks are brought in to prepare food for the guests who will visit. She sleeps, relaxes, takes care of her self. Devangi told us that during her pregnancy she would wake her husband and mother-in-law in the middle of the night for Nachos. Her husband, who never entered the kitchen, never catered to her needs, would leave the house and bring her a bag of nachos. Her Mother-in-Law would never say a word. She was “delicate”.

After delivery most women here in India have 40 days of being pampered. Good food, long sleeps, massage are all part of the recovery. Work in the home is picked up by other family members. Many don’t leave their room for those 40 days. Food is brought to them. Their husbands may visit daily or occasionally depending on his schedule.



For the second child, most women still get the 40 days but at their in-laws home instead of their mothers. Devangi told us she was taken care of very well by her in-laws so staying there was not an issue.

This is the only time we have heard women speak of ‘themselves’ in the absence of the people they take care of. Becoming a mother gives you privileges. The privilege of being the center of attention. The privilege of being taken care of. The privilege of a day without work.

For this time only … she is the center of attention.

Opportunity: Give her an extra 55 days to feel special.

The Freedom of Joint Family

In India, there’s joint family and there’s extended family. Joint families live together under the same roof, often grandparents, and their son’s families. Extended family goes on an on, most people can easily name their third cousins. Even neighbors become extended family.

The more time we spend with joint families, we realize that there’s a freedom to be found in community. Work is shared. Kids are shared. 24 hour babysitters allow parents to go to the movies together on the spur of the moment.



“My boys are so close to their grandparents, they’ve slept in their room since they were 4 months old.”

“If you live in a nuclear family you have all the responsibility, all on your head.”

Many Indian Mums have plenty of support already.

Opportunity: Don’t try to help them, just make a difference to their family.

It's All Shared

Every bathroom we go into has a bucket or a basket full of products that are shared by everyone in the joint family. Other than the odd men’s shaving cream, the division between beauty and grooming or between kids and adult’s products is blurred. Beauty is communal.



This comes with ups and downs. It’s great to borrow a sari from your sister in law, but it may not be so great to use the same shampoo as your balding father in law.

Challenge: Be all for one, AND one for all.

A New Generation of Guys?

Mumbai.

Sisters in Law (Bhabhi), Dimple and Devangi both have love marriages. Dimple met her husband when she opened her own clothing boutique next to her husband’s optical shop. Devangi met her husband in college where she was studying and teaching languages. They both talked with pride about how progressive they are as couples; they all travel abroad together, they wear t-shirts and jeans in place of turkas or saris. Yet the clear gender roles of the previous generation still have a huge influence.



Devangi’s husband may not know how to operate the laundry machines, or cook anything other than 2 minute noodles, but he does make his own coffee, and carry grocery bags for her. This may not seem like a lot, but consider that his father never stepped into the kitchen. And if Dimple’s husband helps with the housework, his Mum will introduce him to guests as her eldest daughter.

But perhaps things are changing? Devangi’s two young boys help her set the table and carry the groceries, despite the ‘are you a girl’ comments from the older generation.



There seems to be a growing number of Indian Mums who are raising their boys in a new way.

Opportunity: Be the first to give men a new role.

The Value of Daughters

Your Son's a Son until he gets a Wife.
Your Daughter's a Daughter for all your life.

What Is Love?

Mumbai



As we lounged on the bed in Mishy’s room we asked her and her sister-in-law when they first fell in love with their husbands. Jasmine said she found love within the first year of marriage. Mishy on the other hand replied “I don’t think I understand love.”

Both girls were very happy in their marriage. Both spoke fondly of their husband’s strengths and weaknesses. Jasmine laughed that she could not wear heels as her husband was short and stocky. Mishy explained happily that her husband never talks and she never wants to shut up.



They seem to have fallen into a routine. And yet the song we hear over and over again on the radio when stuck in hours of traffic is ‘kiss me kiss me kiss me, touch me touch me touch me, love me love me love me’. To these girls the fantasy of love is just that. They are practical. They are clear. They are realistic. There are no fantasies, just reality. So make the most of it.

For both these girls family trumps romance.

Opportunity: Romance the Family

Welcome

Mumbai

For many young women here in India moving into your husband’s home the day you are united in marriage can be frustrating. A new set of rules, new habits, new beliefs (in some cases), new people, new relationships all of which are foreign and different from the routine you have been brought up in. And yet, so far, the girls we have met expect it. They don’t fear it. Nor do they dread it. The simply … deal with it, knowing that within 10 days it will be a new routine.

“You just have to find the rules of the house” Jasmine tells us. “With in a year it will be life”.



For Mishy the shift from birth family to husband’s family was made very easy by the promise of her future mother-in-law to her own mother. “She told my mother she would take care of me, teach me and help me. She told her she would love me … today I love her as if she was my mother, not just my mother-in-law. She is kind, funny and we do fight. But she still loves me like a mother.”

Opportunity: Welcome Her With Open Arms

A Child Gives Birth to a Mother

Mumbai



Mother’s are revered here in India. Worshiped. Appreciated. Loved. Every woman we have spoken to so far speaks of the day she became a mother with much more joy than the day she became a wife. “I was the center of attention for days after I had my daughter” Ayengla told us. “Even with my husband’s extended family of cousins. They all brought gifts and food and took care of me.” She went on to explain to us that “my wedding was more about the family than about me. But the birth of my daughter was about me. I became a mother.”



With her kids in tow, Ayengla gets more respect. Be it from taxi drivers, people in stores, strangers on the street … the kids will give her respect she would not have if she was walking alone.

“The drivers stop and let us pass. They’re like ohhhhh, go ahead Mother. But if it is just me I’m another woman on the street.”

With the honour of becoming a mother comes the honour of being able to prepare food better than anyone else. A daughter can cook a meal for her husband, but the same meal prepared by Mom always get more praise. In fact, many of the Mom’s we have spoken to feel that it is her responsibility to cook for the children as it is better for them. Ayengla and Monie both felt that the food prepared by them was ‘better’ for the children than the food prepared by the cook. For these ‘house wives’ the role of mother could be compared to that of a treasurer in a big company. Her job is to take care of, protect, build, educate and nurture the family’s future.

Opportunity: Revere Her

Leave an Impression

Mumbai



Bright pink, sea blue, blood orange, silver and every color of the rainbow float through the crowded streets. Scarves and saris trail behind the shoulders of women as they weave through traffic.

“It’s just part of our culture, being colorful and bright is who we are, we don’t even know we’re doing it” explained Ayengla.

“We take pride in beautifying things”



Indian women use clothes to make their world a more beautiful place. They’re not as concerned with perfectly clean and white (how can you be when you dry your laundry above a traffic jam?) What really matters is that they have the brightness and color to leave an impression.

Opportunity: Let them shine bright.

Fix It With Food

Mishy and Jasmine are sisters in law, both with young kids who buzzed in and out of the bedroom where we sat with the Mums chatting and drinking chai tea.

We got to talking about how they keep their families healthy. The answer was so obvious to them, and they seemed a little puzzled that we didn’t already know; “We do it with food. There’s a food for everything.”

“But what if you have a hyperactive kid?” we asked, (thinking of all the ADD kids in America on prescriptions medicine).

“Give them raw green apples in the morning for hyper kids. And walnuts are good for the brain – you see it in their shape – give them crushed walnuts for concentration.”

While many other mums would head for the doctor of the chemist, Indian mums head for the kitchen.

Opportunity: Give her the natural solution.

The Career Of Mom

Moni rarely expressed emotion with her feelings but when she did it was usually associated with one of two achievements in her life.

1. Her years as a teacher
2. Her life as a Mom



During our few hours with her she was always composed. Careful. Matter of fact. Yet when she spoke about her career as a teacher (before she was married) her face lit up. You could tell she was proud of her achievements, proud of her success when she was single.

The only other time her face gave her away was when asked when she was happiest; “When my daughter (Anayara) comes home with an achievement.” It was clear that Moni’s new career was in teaching her daughter. A classroom of one. Her daughter had become her career. Her measurement of success with her husband’s family. Her daughter was her only way of earning respect in the family she married in to.



Like any career you could feel her stress as well. What if her daughter did not do well? What if she was not polite, well liked, strong? Moni worried she was too dependent, despite Anayara’s total confidence. She indicated she loved her father more. We could not only see her happiness, but worried about her pain.

For Moni there is only one measurement of her success as a person; her daughter.

Opportunity: Give Mom’s New Ways Of Proving Their Worth.

Wrapped In Colour

Our first day here in Mumbai and our tired senses were lit up with colour. The people, the streets, the clothing, the homes. Through the grey dirt, the tired buildings, the rundown conditions, colours ignited our senses. Orange, pink, bright reds, rich burgundies, pale blues gave us energy and warmth.



While some may look at the living conditions and feel sorry for the people. The colours bring brightness and life to their lives.



Opportunity: Feed Their Energy With Colour

A Marriage of Two Families

Mumbai



Indian weddings have a global reputation for being long, fantastic celebrations with hundreds of people, piles of good food, dancing and good times. So when Moni shared her wedding photos with us we were a little surprised at her lack of excitement. She described each photo in a matter-of-fact way, naming all the relatives, explaining all the ceremonies and traditions, but never sharing her emotions or feelings other than to say how exhausting the whole thing was.

With my own wedding only two months away I was intrigued. In my world, weddings are all about the bride (OK, the groom too.) My bridesmaids spoil me, my Mum and my sister help me, and my relatives support me. In Moni’s world, weddings are all about two families. Are the parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles compatible? Do their social classes and religions sit well together? For Mike and I, our chemistry comes first, and thank goodness our families get along. For Moni and Aman, their family’s chemistry comes first, and thank goodness they get along.



It all makes sense; most Indian households are a collection of in-laws, kids, cousins, and grandparents. Names like ‘Moni’ disappear and are replaced with ‘Papi’ meaning sister-in-law… in India it seems that family trumps individual identity.

Opportunity: Give Each Person Identity Beyond the Group

The Fabric of Family in India

As much as I try to deny it, deep down I know that I dance just like my mother. For better or worse, our families define who we are.

Family is a giant magnet, pulling you home across the oceans. Family is a well worn t-shirt, comfortable and close. Family can be a major pain in the neck, impossible to get rid of. Families live in our homes, our phones and our facebook pages.

Why is it that when you meet your friend's family for the first time you instantly understand her better. Somehow families make sense - even if the sense is a little crazy.

In a country of over 1.1 billion people - the most culturally and genetically diverse country in the world - we believe that understanding families will help us understand the people. What really matters to Indian families? What holds them together? How do they make each other smile, or cry?

We hope that by looking at India through this lens, we can start engaging with Mums, Dads, kids, best friends, cousins, grandparents... and we can stop targeting, consumer segments, social classes and income groups.

Over the next 2 weeks Sandy, Fran, Hinoti, Vipasha and Sai will Xplore from Mumbai to Pune to Delhi. You can meet the families we meet and read their stories on this blog.